I feel like such a stereotype saying it. Which I think is why I don't talk about this particular fetish of mine much. Women are often told that all the women in porn are faking their interest in ejaculate, especially on their faces or in their mouths. This has always made me self-conscious of my cum kink- not in a way where I feel shameful, but rather in a way where I worry that people won't believe me or take me seriously. I'll seem like just another business savvy sex worker who knows saying that I love come can make me a lot of cash.
Lest you be amongst those who have their doubts about the authenticity of my admission (and shame on you, btw), let me tell you about the memory that has brought me to orgasm during my self-love sessions in the last several days. Tuesday night my fuckfriend came over to my new incall to help me assemble some furniture because they are an absolute saint. This isn't actually relevant to the story, I just mention it to both set a tone regarding this lover's kindness and genorisity, and also to casually drop the fact that I have a brand new incall with fabulous, queer assembled furniture that you should definitely come visit.
Anyhow, we had sex later in the evening. We recently negotiated that we were going to stop using barriers for penetrative sex, but until this moment we had not yet had penetrative sex because we usually have sex in a more queer fashion. All of sudden it was happening, and it was happening hardcore slutty style. I was riding on top of him and cumming non-stop, which is nothing new with this fuckfriend but I was very aroused by the fact that we were doing something that we don't do very often. That always gets me off.
I started rubbing his balls and then his asshole, and all I could think was fuck, I want it. I wanted that cum inside of me so bad, and it was like this completely carnal response. It barely even feels like I'm using my brain in moments like that, it was all libido. It's literally as though I'm thinking with my pussy.
I'm sure he saw the determination in my eyes, felt the determination in my insistent asshole rubbing, and thus nature took it's course. I wasn't even sure he had cum inside of me, but it definitely felt like it and it definitely seemed like it was time to stop. I rolled off of him but before I knew it she was fingering me (the pronoun change her is intentional, deal with it), and I was so fucking turned on by the mere thought of cum inside of me that I came all over the place myself. I could literally feel my cum mixed with hers streaming down my ass cheek, and I officially died happy.
Well, I didn't die but I could have.
Since my fuckfriend's gender is complicated and non-binary, I've been analyzing why I enjoyed this experience so much. I felt guilty at first because it was very heterosexual, and I was confused by the concept that the heterosexuality of it might have been what was getting me off. If you've been reading this blog for long enough, you've probably gathered that I have complicated feelings about being a queer identified women who loves dick in my pussy. I've recently been able to come to terms with this more, because I've realized it's really not the only type of sex I like and that I'm happy to go without it with partners who aren't capable of penis in vagina sex, or who don't want to do it all of the time, or who don't like it much. So liking this experience so much with someone who I'm usually happy to not have dick in pussy sex with felt like a set-back in my queerness.
Which is bullshit, by the way. I would never allow anyone other than myself to think things like that about my sexuality. But you know what I realized after again masturbating to this memory, and other cum-related memories and fantasies?
IDGAF what your gender, presentation or sexuality are: I want your cum. For me, many of my sexual fantasies and desires definitely revolve around cum. I want it inside of my cunt (disclaimer: only with individuals I have previously negotiated that with, because this is also a boundary of mine), I want it in my mouth and spurting down my throat. I want it all over my body and I want to feel it hitting my asshole. I don't exactly want it in my eye, but I'm fine with it ending up there. Especially if you've got a hot, swollen, squirty pussy like mine and you can't aim very well.
I love the taste and the smell. I also love feeling a person cum. I love sticking my fingers in a pussy or asshole and feeling the muscles inside contract around me. I could only imagine what it would feel like to have a dick. #goals. I love the way a dick sometimes jerks in my pussy or in my hand when it's ejaculating. I love feeling muscles tense and and hips buck.
And oh, watching. How could I forget my voyeuristic tendencies? The only thing better than getting someone off is watching them get themselves off. Looking in their eyes while they do it, trying to maintain eye contact. I could mutually masturbate with anybody all night long... and I definitely cannot have a dick in me for more than thirty minutes, absolute max.
So yes, I am absolutely a cum dumpster and I'm fucking proud of it. Let's bukkake.