Friday, January 24, 2014

New Group Sex Terminology: The VeeSome

Alright, this terminology may not actually be new. My friend used it the other day in a gchat and I liked it, so really she deserves the credit and not me.

In my experience, I have discovered that there are two distinct types of threesome. There is the typical threesome, in which all three participants are attracted to one another and sexually interacting freely. And then there is also the VeeSome, in which two of the participants are only attracted to the third participant, and those two only sexually interact with the third, and not each other. I'm sure it is arguable that we actually need a new term to differentiate the two, but I think that those of us who are lucky enough to enjoy threesomes with some frequency would find it useful.

Personally, I tend to find a typical threesome more satisfactory and less awkward than a VeeSome. Of course, I've had great VeeSomes. My last post on this blog was about one. So I don't want to sound like a hypocrite. I think there is a time and a place for a VeeSome. When all of the people involved are real comfortable with one another, even if two are not attracted to one another, it's a beautiful thing. Especially when I'm the one getting all the attention. Ha!

The problem with some VeeSomes seems to stem from the two non-interactive participants not having an already established or instant rapport. Or, in some rare instances, not even liking each other at all. When verbal communication is not comfortable, and non-verbal communication is not accessible in a VeeSome, there is always going to be someone who doesn't know what to do next. This can mean that the VeeSome will just turn into one-on-one sex, with the third person starting to feel distinctly third-wheelish or perhaps even unwelcome. Or it can cause the two people interacting to start to feel distracted and guilty, and to make flimsy and weird attempts to include the third person who already may have crossed the third-wheel event horizon.

It's not that this doesn't happen in typical threesomes at times as well, but it seems to be a rare occurrence. When everyone is comfortable interacting, there can be so much more fluidity and ease to the experience. Are your girlfriends making out? Just eat one of their pussies! Is your boyfriend fucking your girlfriend? Sit on her face and pinch her nipples! Are you fingering your boyfriends ass? Make your other boyfriend suck his cock! The possibilities are endless.

There are simple solutions to making a VeeSome work with more fluidity and ease as well, even when you have two participants who don't know each other well. But I think they all come down to being comfortable with experimentation- with an awareness of boundaries and a willingness to put yourself out there in potentially embarrassing ways. It's always a good idea for the two non-interactive participants to discuss boundaries ahead of time... well, really, it's a good idea for all three participants to discuss boundaries, but especially the non-interactive two. If everyone involved agrees it's OK, I think a great solution to feeling left out is to simply watch and play with yourself. And there's no shame in letting your own pleasure take a backseat in order to help your partner get off with nipple pinching, clit rubbing, etc, while they are being fucked or fucking. Don't be afraid to ask to be let back into the action- or forcing your way back in, if that's within the boundaries that have been established.

If all else fails, experiment with your attraction and push your boundaries just a little (again, as long as everyone has previously agreed to this, or if you have the guts to ask or it in the heat of the moment). Go ahead and make out with that participant who you haven't been attracted to before. See if there's a spark, and laugh about it later if there's not.