Saturday, December 22, 2012

Dry Cleaning (Humping)

Lately I have been plagued by random fantasies about a former boss of mine. They sort of came out of nowhere, though I believe I may have had a bit of a wet dream about him a week or so ago. I will admit that he was an extremely attractive man, and I definitely had fantasies about him when I worked for him.

When I was about 23 or 24 years old, I had given up all hope on ever having a job I might actually enjoy. Then a spunky young Christian couple gave me a chance and hired me to work the front desk and do a few quick and simple alterations at their dry cleaning business. It was a discount cleaners, and thus very busy. They always had at least 2 front desk employees scheduled at once, and sometimes one of them would join as a 3rd front desk person during the big rushes. He worked most weekday mornings and all day on Saturdays, as did I. In fact, now that I think about it, I think he and I may have had the same schedule (only he worked less hours than me because he owned the place, of course).

In retrospect, I'm pretty sure he was the one who made the hiring decision. And that he chose to hire me because he thought I was cute. He often flirted with me in a very sort of innocent, Christian way. I also remember it sometimes being not so innocent, but I can't actually remember anything he did or said specifically. I do remember that his wife seemed a lot more prude than he did, and sometimes he even seemed a little flamboyant and possibly gay. Gay guys have always loved flirting with me, after all.

That was definitely one of the best jobs I ever had. These people were really into running their business well and being upstanding members of the local community. While they definitely had crazy conservative values about economics, they were strangely socialist in the way they treated their employees. We all wore cute little matching uniforms that they purchased for us and cleaned for free for us. In fact, we could get as many clothes cleaned for free there as we wanted. I asked for a raise once and they not only gave it to me, but encouraged me to always ask for raises if I felt I was being under payed. It's not like they went overboard or anything- the wage was only a few bucks above minimum wage, we didn't have healthcare, nothing like that- but it was a very relaxed and decent place to work. My favorite part about working there was that they knew my politics and still asked me what I thought about things, and still respected my viewpoints. I had a gay roommate at the time and they invited him to all the workplace parties even though they didn't approve of his/ our lifestyle. They even put up with a fair amount of me poking fun at them for being so repressed and traditional.

However, I'm pretty sure if I went in there now and said something like "you know, you guys really inspired me when it comes to running a small business. What business am I in? Oh, I'm a sex worker! Isn't that perfect for me?" They'd be just appalled. Offended and saddened and appalled. Too bad for them, yes, but it's just how they are. Or at least how they were.

All of that background is just to set up my plan for you. Yes, I have a plan. A plan with which I will likely not follow through with because it is at least 99% likely that it will go very bad. But if it went right, it would be legendary.

I would like to go in there some day soon with a few items to get cleaned.* It's really too bad that I'm not a morning person, because a weekday morning might be the perfect time to catch him alone. He used to open the place and be there alone from 6-7am some mornings. If I can't get in there that early- and let's just be honest, I won't- then I will try to go in some day before noon. He will (hopefully) recognize me and welcome me, taking in my clothes himself. Of course he'll ask me what I've been up to since last he saw me because it's been almost 5 years now. I will tell him that I'm self-employed now, you could even say I own my own small business. This will be very exciting to him because he loves business! He'll want more details and I'll tell him it's probably not something he would approve of. This will catch his interest, but he may no better than to ask me to tell him anyway and just let it drop. It might all end there, perhaps he'll flirt with me a bit but I'll be on my way with my discount ticket for pick-up the next day.

If it doesn't end there and he insists on know, I say I will tell him but he has to agree to come have lunch with me, or just go in his office if he doesn't have time, because it's something I need to be discreet about. Again, this gives him another opportunity to opt out. But if I get him alone (that's actually pretty chancy as well, he may not even be there or his wife might be there working with him), I will tell him the whole deal. I will even give him a card that will lead him straight to this blog. And, now that I think of it... straight to this entry! But I might delete it before he ever gets a chance to look it up. He will be shocked, appalled, offended, saddened, and I will no longer get a friend discount. At least not without a lecture about my life choices.

Or, he will be aroused. He will think about how his wife hasn't been satisfying lately, how the kids have been so demanding, how he's worked so hard to earn all his money and it's been so stressful. There's a small, a very tiny chance he may ask about my rates.

What will I say, "Oh, R___, I wouldn't charge you to spend time with me. I would love to have a date with you. I've always thought you were hot."

And bam! It's on. The chance that something like this could actually happen is what's turning me on. Of course it never would, but what if it did? It would be like a friggin' porno! Legendary.

R___, if you're reading this and you like where it's going, you know how to get in touch. If you're reading this and it's not turning you on, then I am so, so sorry. I am only a woman. I have needs.


*Footnote: I actually began thinking about him again even before the wet dream, though not in as much of a sexual way as the wet dream brought out. I have been getting a lot of dry cleaning done lately since I try to dress nice for my appointments and such. It's so expensive! I have been wanting to go back there so that I could get cheaper cleaning- like I said it's already a discount cleaners, and I have a lifetime friend discount. One that I am likely to lose if I go in there and come on to him. It's in a Denver suburb though, at least 20 minutes away from where I live now. That's the only thing that's been stopping me. And fear that I will actually follow through with this plan.

1 comment:

  1. I say give it a shot. If it did go down it would be legendary, and if it goes badly you live far enough away that you probably won't run into him again.

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