As some of you know, I am married. For those of you just tuning in, we're poly, it's all good. We quite enjoy having sex with other people and then talking about it. We also enjoy loving relationships with other people. There are many types of love out there! And the love I share with my husband is a unique treasure that I don't share with anyone else. Blah blah blah, cheese cheese and all that.
On our first date we went for a hike that was almost immediately interrupted by thunder and a park ranger telling us to get down from the mountain. I liked him immediately because he was cute, cuter than his pictures online (yes, we met on OKcupid, deal with it), and because he kept complimenting me. As we head back down the mountain, we stopped to take in the view from only slightly above Boulder, and he brushed my arm and asked about my tattoo. Classic moves, and though I knew they were moves they worked.
He took me to the ice cream parlor near his apartment and then back to his apartment. We spent an hour or two just talking, and our intellectual chemistry was ever present. Intellectual chemistry often leads to physical for me, and so it only made sense that after all that good conversation we would just have to fuck. I had just gone through a long string of casual hook-ups that led to nothing, so I was expecting to never hear from him again. But I did, and now we've been together almost 6 years.
Often, people are surprised when I tell them I'm still with a man who I slept with on the first date. Which, to me, is shocking. Why wouldn't you have sex on the first date? Especially when things are going that well? Or perhaps... especially when things are awkward, and you don't know how to move the date forward? Or if you want to know what they're like in bed... you think they're boring but like their body or looks... you think you have no future together or lots of future together... why not? There are so many reasons to fuck someone the very first time you can get some one on one time with them. In my opinion, it is absolutely the best way to get to know someone better.
I think for me it's all about clearing up that business so you can move on to other things. Not that sex isn't a great thing to "move on to"- but if I'm on a first date with someone and I like them well enough to fuck them, it's best to just get that out of the way asap. a) Because I like fucking and want to have sex with almost everyone, and b) because then I share something intimate with them. It puts me at ease for the next time I meet them, or if I never meet them again at least I know I got to share that moment with them. If I don't get around to sex on a first date and then wait until the second, I'm still trying to be all impressive and wondering if it's going to happen and it just makes me uncomfortable.
Ultimately, my mind is completely sex focused. Not in a horny, constant clit-hard-on, can't think straight sort of way. It's all about psychology and wanting to know people better, really find out what makes them tick. It's emotional because I feel more intrinsically connected to all the people with whom I have shared sexuality. Even if I don't ever have "sex" in the traditional sense with someone, I still want our minds to fuck; I want to talk to everyone about sex, and understand their feelings and thoughts on it. Sex is the place from which I operate. The zone I inhabit.
I knew my now-husband would call me again after we fucked that first time, even though I asked him before I left just to be sure. But I knew he wasn't lying when he said he would call me. I knew because when we fucked, our souls (or whatever you might want to call the phenomena) communicated. I feel a communication like that with everyone I have sex with. Some souls will call me, others will not. But I always know where I am with someone after we have communicated on that level.