From the time I was very young, I always sort of knew it would end up here. But I spent way too many years denying it. I have been shamed into feeling guilt for what I really wanted to do with my life for too long. And I am finally beginning to break out of that shell of shame. To use a cheesy and obvious metaphor, if I may, I would call this shame a cocoon and myself a butterfly who has just hatched and emerged. Or maybe more a moth. A badass moth.
I know I have been saying on this blog for a while that I want to be in porn. Well, check, I've started that. And I want to have a vast porn empire of awesome, which I'm working on. But I also realized when I was in San Francisco, after talking to a group of sex workers who were very happy with their jobs, that I had been assuming that was impossible. All this propaganda in our society about how it wasn't glamorous work, how it was hard and risky and dangerous and scary. That had wormed it's way into my head and sort of sat there decaying all these years, and I thought I couldn't go there. I thought it was the work of desperate, uneducated people, even my logical and compassionate mind told me that wasn't true. Well, fuck all that.
When I am completely honest, I have always wanted to do this. Always. And I knew I would some day- I was just waiting for the right epiphany.
Sex workers can be happy. That's not to say it's always easy, in fact I think it's pretty hard. It's work, and all work is often hard. Sometimes things just call people; though, that's why they call it a "calling." This siren song has been haunting me ever since I learned that sex work existed.
So yes, I have decided to become an escort. I have already been seeing clients, and it has felt exactly as I thought it would. That's not to say all radical and super fun, either. Basically, I expected it to feel like work that I was very well suited to. And it has. But a lot of it has also been radical and super fun. It is such a good fit, and soon I will have a lot more time free to write in blogs, or just write in general, or to build that porn empire, or to see more friends and talk more deep thoughts. This feels really good. Really right.
Many of you may have questions or complaints about this. I understood that would also be a part of this decision. But all I ask of my friends and support network is that you think about what it must feel like to not be able to follow your dreams because society has deemed your dreams to be invalid, disgusting, uncouth. How it would be to try to stuff those down inside because you think you need to be better than your dreams. I am better than my dreams, by which I mean that my dreams are 100% better than society's impression of what those dreams might say about the type of person who has them. I envision a world where sex work is practiced in much the same way as other healing arts, and in which the artists who practice sex work are looked up to rather than down upon.