I'll admit it. I'm pretty obsessed with sex, in case you couldn't tell. I view the world through a lens of sexuality. I wear pussy colored glasses. So this post might be going a bad place because it has to do with something I don't really understand. It's not that I don't want to understand it, I've just never had explained to me in any way that makes any sense to me at all. So maybe someone will educate me after this little post goes down.
But what is the deal with the lack of sex in public BDSM scenes? OK, I'm sure there can be a lot of factors. Maybe the sexual moments are the ones that most people like to share in private (not me, but I know most people aren't like that). Maybe a lot of people who do BDSM aren't actually into sex. Maybe they define sex differently than me. I know all of these things are true, but that doesn't help me actually understand these things any better.
I have heard numerous times after a scene I did involving sex that it was really hot and people wish they saw that more in BDSM clubs. I have also been shunned for having sex in BDSM clubs. I have been asked to tone sexuality down. So really, I'm just confused here. So y'all want to see some sex, or don't you?
In times when my paranoia is getting the better of me, the shunning can make me feel as though people don't really view me as a "real" member of the community. I don't like a lot of pain or discomfort in my scenes. I like sensual domination, not mean domination. Really, I just like to come up with complicated and beautiful scenarios in which to have sex in. This makes me feel like a bit of an outcast from the rest of the community, because I get the sense that many of the other members of (at least the local) BDSM community really are in it for pain. Or humiliation. Or head games. And all those things are great, and I want everyone to be doing them if that's their thing. But why do I feel as though there isn't space for my thing within this community? Is it really just paranoia? Or is it true that having sex in a public BDSM scene is just a little weird?
This is one of those blog posts that I just feel went nowhere. But I wanted to say something. Maybe I will be able to articulate this better in the future