Tuesday, February 28, 2012

Masturbation Solves All

Not gonna lie: today was an especially stressful day. I went to this kink event over the weekend that shall, at this point, go unnamed (but I'm sure of you in the "know" will know which one I'm talking about). For me, it was an overwhelmingly positive experience. But so much drama has flared up around it that it sort of taints my experience. All I ever want is for everyone to fucking hold hands and sing Kumbaya.

That isn't really what was stressful though. The real thing I'm avoiding talking about is my job and how everyone has a heart attack any time the most minor of mistakes is made. What happens is that a client yells at someone, then that someone yells at my bosses boss, who yells at my boss, who then yells at me. And then it stops at me because there's no one lower than me to yell at. It happens once every few months, and it fucking sucks. I just don't even know how to describe how humiliated and demoralizing it is to be yelled at by these people. Though I'm sure many of you know exactly the feeling I can't even describe.

And then, I masturbated. I was too emotionally raw to have sex with anyone else, or even really talk intelligibly to someone (I tried to talk to Dr. Bigglesworth on the phone, as he is in Boston, but I was just an ass even though I wasn't trying to be). So I watched some porn and got off. Got off really fast and really, really good.

I think about the chain of bosses above me, and I wonder if any of them masturbated tonight to try and alleviate some of the stress from today. I'm fairly cynical, so I think they probably didn't. I want to blame all of their stress on the lack of self-love in their lives. I can't imagine these old guys doing anything but falling asleep next to their wives at 9pm, while their wives sigh because they're husbands are snoring before they ever even had a chance to fall asleep first. I am convinced that sex never crossed anybody's mind. And we all know that old monogamous couples aren't allowed to masturbate alone in the shower in the morning because it's cheating.

Why haven't I quit my job and become a sex worker already?

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