Warning: before you go too far into this post, I should warn you that it is not about sex, or at least no things I find (too) sexy. Some people may find what I describe here sexy. I probably would not be one of them. Just didn't want anyone to be too disappointed.
Last night I drove for-fucking-ever to get to Colorado Springs, which is turns out I live a long ass way from. I didn't remember it being so far. But of course, I used to live in Denver. Which is much closer to the Springs than Boulder. I was alone and on a mission to attend an event I had high-ish hopes for, so the drive down wasn't too bad. Except for when my ipod burned out, as it is wont to do after about 45 minutes, and I had to listen to KTCL and 105.5 JACK FM. And that's ok sometimes, but not most of the time. Some of you might know what I mean, but probably not many since no one listens to radio any more.
I should also preface all this by saying that I was a little sick in the days previous to the event (a bit of stomach bullshit topped by a migraine, all stress induced I'm quite sure ((see lack of blog posts for a month))), and the dinner I ate previous to the events was small.
I show up and find my 1 friend there who I know, also on my little sex board with me which is why I was attending the event in the first place. To, uh, advertise our thing. She was bouncy and excited as she usually is at any fetish type thing, and wearing very little which I like to see on her. I do have a bit of a crush. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this, it's all pretty inconsequential to the story.
She showed me around a bit and then we moved into a crowded room downstairs to watch the first big kink demo of the night. Oh yeah, I forgot to say that this event was a sort of kinky demo show thing starring all the Colorado fetish all-stars. That seems like more important information than my friend being dressed sexy and me liking it. So, we're in a crowded room full of several variations of gothy geeky kinksters (you know who I'm talking about), and I see the girl who's bottoming for the demo has some flesh hooks in her thighs just above her knees. No problem right? I like getting pierced. I like watching others get pierced. I've seen flesh hook suspensions before... in movies. I'm a big girl this kind of stuff rarely makes me squeemish.
Unless, of course, I've been sick and had barely anything to eat. Don't worry, this isn't actually a story about me passing out. Which I've never actually done! But damn I've come close. Like I did last night.
This beautiful little doll with the flesh hooks above her knees is about to participate in some sort of suspension I can't remember because I've never heard of it before. As they're, ummm... securing her? To a thing that she will be suspended from? I notice she also has flesh hooks in her shoulders. There's this insane tension building in me for some reason, and I just can't wait to see how this goes down. I can also tell, as they begin to lift her off the stool she's sitting on bit by bit, that she's in a fair amount of pain. And loving it. I'm seeing her flesh lift from her bones and muscles, though, and I'm feeling rather empathic. I'm wondering what that must feel like, and boy... it's hot in here. I sure am hungry, my stomach is sort of roiling and feeling sick and hungry all at once. I'm thirsty. Parched in fact. Oh look! She's in the air now, and um, there's some spots dancing in front of my eyes. She looks so beautiful! And blissful and in so much fucking PAIN. And oh, jeez, I can't see her anymore and I'm feeling a little light headed. Maybe I'll just squat down on the floor for a minute.
Luckily, a lot of people are crouching down so that people behind them can watch, so it doesn't seem that strange. I take a few deep breaths and regain my sight. I look up at her and how happy and beautiful she is. There's blood trickling down her leg from one of the hooks in her thigh and dripping off the heel of her shoe onto the floor. Her skirt is floating in the breeze as the top gently swings her back and forth. Eventually, she asks to be brought back down, and she couldn't seem more high and overwhelmed. And truly, truly beautiful.
Alright, so it's over? I can safely get back up now, I think. I stand up way too fast and tell my friend I'm going to go upstairs in search of water and a bathroom (the plan being I will put my head between my knees in the stall until I'm all the way ok again and probably not as white as paper), and she starts to describe where the bathrooms are to me. And I can't see again, and everything she's saying is complete nonsense. It was so weird! My brain could not process language at all, and I was trying really, really hard. I don't actually remember what happened next, but I ended up crouching on the floor again and eventually came to. At this point the demo was over and no one was crouching on the floor anymore, and I was really embarrassed and thought everyone could probably tell what was going on. So, in what was probably the stupidest move ever, I got up and bolted up the stairs, where I again almost passed out. But I somehow pushed through, made into a chair upstairs, head between my legs, deep breaths... and finally OK. I get some water. I go to the bathroom. I tell my friend what happened and she goes "yeah, you seemed like your blood sugar was getting a little low, you had that look."
I'm still mystified as to why she didn't think my crouching behavior was unusual, but she got me some chocolate and then I watched several other demos that were not of the type that would apparently make me pass out. And then I drove home for-fucking-ever and it was much worse because it was so late and I was soooooo bored.
My take away from all of this is not what you might think: almost passing out feels really cool! I wonder if full on passing out actually makes a person feel like crap, but I kind of want to find out. I want to get to that point again where words don't make sense. And feel all sweaty cold/ hot at the same time. I am now taking suggestions on how to induce this state without doing breath play and/ or killing brain cells. My current idea is to not eat for a few days and then watch live heart surgery. And to have someone spot me.