Monday, July 4, 2011

The 4th

Fourth of July weekends have been turning out to be great sex holidays for me recently. 2 years ago, just a few months after I had first become poly, I spent the 4th engaged in a night of sex with 4 different people in various scenarios, including 2 threesomes (don't try too hard to figure out the math on that), and just a few nights ago I found myself again having sex with 4 different people, this time in an orgy. It was sort of like deja vu, since it was in the same apartment and 1 of the people was the same from 2 years ago. But this is all beside the point. What I want to say is: I have a great sex life right now. I can't imagine it ever getting any better than this, and it is what I always dreamed of having. Goals in life: accomplished. Where do I go from here? It is a little bittersweet... but I feel so good about it.

In other news, this little story has been making the Internet rounds lately, and I want to talk about it:

I am simply fascinated with this story. I absolutely love it, and I do feel bad about that because it is pretty negative and shaming of Mr. Tarantino. While I'm sure he is a complete ass who likely deserves to be taken down a notch or two, I hate the way she makes him out to be such a freak. And I really have a problem with the way she describes his cock. Women are always complaining about how we have to live up to a certain standard of physical appearance and we hate the way society decides what that is and makes us feel fat and ugly and blah blah blah. Then we all just turn around and make fun of small and/ or ugly penises all the time. It's really just evil, and I don't want to participate in it ever. And yet...

She is so honest. She is brutal, and it makes for an incredibly well written and interesting story. I laughed while I was reading it. Most of all, I empathized. For all my talk about consent and maybe also meaning no, I have found myself in a situations similar to hers more than once. I love sex so much that I will often end up in a persons house making out with "for the story," or simply just because I was compelled to have a sexual experience at that point in time. But it's not always the right person, not always someone I am attracted to physically or emotionally. I find myself in these situations that I can't help but find ridiculous, hoping it won't go too far because I will have to decide how to say no, or if I would rather just go through with it.

Writing that out, I have to recognize how bad that sounds. As a person who runs around in a very sexually open community, I have hold up my end of the consent bargain. And, of course, I would never accuse someone of assault or rape if I found myself in a situation like that and neglected to say no, even though part of me didn't want to go through with it. But it's not always that simple, it's not black and white yes and no. Is it wrong to have sex for reasons other than physical or emotional attraction? Is it wrong to have it because you want the story? Is it wrong to have because you want to feel needed? Or attractive? Or like a sexual object? Is it wrong to have sex because it's easier to have than to say no?

I'm not sure there's a good answer to any of those questions. It will always depend on the situation, and the people involved. What I do know is that I am not the only woman who has found herself in that situation at some point in her life. And what I also know is that I think the woman who wrote this email is brave. I think she is kind of an asshole, but isn't that what makes this story good? Would it be better if she had talked about what a hot night of toe-sucking she had with QT? Nah. I actually think it's better just the way it is. Feel free to disagree, and feel free to think I'm asshole too. Because I kind of am.

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