Friday, June 24, 2011

Dipping My Toes in BDSM

I have a sex friend who has requested to be called Batman or Stingray Man on this here blog. I'm not sure which one to chose; he suggested Batman based on the fact that his chest hair looks like Batman, but I think it looks more like a stingray. Batman seems cooler, and he does have a lot of tools, but Stingray feels more honest.

So Bat/ Stingray Man would claim to not be so into BDSM. But he's just about the most into it of any of my lovers, or at least he seems to know the most about it and can most comfortably navigate in the local community. He took me to the TNG (yes, that stands for The Next Generation, but not the Star Trek version) night at one of the Denver BDSM clubs, and we got our "baby kinkster" BDSM on in front of the crowd. He called us baby kinsters, and I liked it because it seemed about right.

So I'll admit it. I don't really get the whole BDSM thing... but it's strange, because I really want to get it and I really want to be a part of the club. I don't really like pain, or not a lot of it... and that's a big part of the whole thing it seems. I'm fond of telling people I like the BD but not the SM, but that's not entirely accurate. I really like power play, I really like dominance and submission. I like being tied up, but I also like to be able to give myself orgasms if someone else isn't doing it for me. So explain that one.

Whatever we did the other night at TNG worked for me though. And as I've been thinking about it, I think I know what was doing it. We were performing. We both stepped up our game; I was trying to endure more pain than I normally would, in order to impress those watching, and he was trying to be more in charge than usual, in order to impress those watching. Maybe he would disagree with me, I'm not really sure. I know that having those eyes on me, those ears hearing my screams and laughter (that's right! There was a lot of laughing, which also made it delightful imho), made me hot. It all finally clicked for me, or came as close as clicking as it ever has.

We just used clothes pins by the way. And he whapped them off of me. That may sound baby kinkster to you, but I dare you try it. It's a little brutal.

The best part actually came when he pinned my inner tights and my labia, and then sort of dry humped me with them on. I could tell the difference between pain and pleasure in that moment, and I'm pretty sure that's what's supposed to happen. Or at least for me, that's what's supposed to happen.

We had sex the next day. I know, not at the BDSM club?! I was having the first day of my period blues, if you must know (perhaps another contributing factor to it finally working out for me?). It was interesting to go from no sex but sex-related BDSM to vanilla sex with him. Also, he somehow managed to make me cum by putting pressure on the hitachi I was using with his pelvis while we fucked. I usually hate that, but holy crap. Somewhere along the way, Bat/ Stingray Man and I made some sort of emotional connection. And I'm not even sure how. But I trust him. And while I would prefer to have vanilla sex with him most of the time, I think I might have him put clothes pins on my labia in public at some point again in the future.

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