Friday, December 23, 2011

Sucking at Blogging and Losing a Toy in My Ass

When last I left you, I was off to write a novel in the month of November for NaNoWriMo. The good news is, I did. Or at least I reached 50,000 words. Yeah, accomplishment!


Then it was December, though, and I completely failed to blog ever again. Until now. I also failed to actually finish my novel, but that's another story.

What I meant to blog about a long, long time ago- and never did- was about how I managed to lose a toy in my ass. And not just any old toy, a fucking BUTT PLUG. The type of toy that was created to never get lost in your ass. I'm still not even sure how this happened. But, for the purposed of posterity and your safety, dear reader, I will try to chronicle the episode here.

The plan was for Arthur Dent and I to try out anal sex, which is something we had not tried yet. I love me some anal sex, as I think I have said in here. I'm sure I have. I've been sort of obsessed with it lately. And so of course I want to do it with as many people are willing to do it with me. Arthur Dent was more than happy to oblige me in this.

Now, I don't always clean out the ol' pooper before I have an anal sex experience. I don't like it for a couple of reasons: I find it uncomfortable and unpleasant to do, and I don't like to have to "plan" on having anal sex. I like for it to just happen whenever I feel like I want it to. Also, I don't seem to have too much of a problem with creating a poopy dick if I don't clean out before, so why even bother? I've only left some brown behind a few times, and I don't really care that much if I do and neither do my lovers. Sometimes I will, though, if I want it to be a really, really nice anal experience with no poo worries. Such was the case with this anal experience, as it would be our first time together.

Also, Arthur has some girth. And I hadn't stuck anything that thick up my ass in awhile. So I brought my lovely little butt plug with a jewel on the base so that I could properly prepare to take it. I also brought my new favorite vibrator, the Jimmy Jane Form 2 (shameless plug that I can only wish they were paying me for. I'm not that famous yet)(seriously, though, it's great. Get one).

Alright, so the sex is going fucking fantastic. Some really, really good sex. We get each other all wound up with some excellent foreplay, which we both seem to be really good at doing with each other. I have him stick the plug in my ass after a bit of fingering and licking (and I will add here that the only thing that might be better than anal sex is getting your ass licked. It's great to know people who will lick my ass. Just great). My ass was feeling particularly juicy in addition to all the lube we were using, so I figured my ass was doing it's self lubricating thing that it does sometimes if I'm getting really ass-turned-on. Yes, this actually happens to me. I will go into the not-so-pretty details of what that means later.

After he put the plug in, he fucked me in the pussy from behind while I was on my stomach. I was getting super turned on, just about ready to cum, and he handed me the vibrator (I know! what a great guy). As I used the vibrator on my clit, he fucked me pretty hard and pressed on the plug and I blasted off. Super, super intense orgasm. I have a lot of really good orgasms, but that one was just... beautiful. I went like 10 levels down into orgasm canyon. It was crazy.

It had to end eventually, though, and I guess when I took the vibrator off my clit I relaxed a little too much. Because my ass swallowed the plug. Completely. Arthur tried to rescue it, but he was too late.

It felt really strange, I definitely felt something happen, but it was sort of underwhelming compared to what you would think. It was just like a lot of pressure, and then I didn't feel anything. Arthur was sputtering, trying to tell me something happened, and I didn't get what he was saying. I thought he was trying to tell me it shot out and I laughed, probably told him to keep going or something. No big deal. I thought maybe he saw the horror of my natural butt lubrication and was scared that it was all over his bed spread now or something. But then he took his dick out of me and I felt it in there.

Oh.

Oh. SHIT!

Panic ensued,and neither one of us was sure what to do. Having heard so many horror stories of people having to go to the hospital with toys and/ or objects being used as toys stuck up their ass, I was sure that I was to be the next victim of a toy up the ass hospital urban legend. Only this one would be the truth. Not so much legend.

But I tried to keep a cool head, and decided that I needed to go deal with this alone. So I told Arthur I was going to go try to poop it out in the bathroom. Alone. He didn't need to see this.

I went into the guest bathroom of his house and squatted on the floor, because a) I didn't want the toy to end up in the toilet where I would have to fish it out and b) I know from experience that pooping can be easier in a squatting position. I really, really hoped that I would not end up pooping a bunch of feces all over the floor in addition to the toy, but figured I would just clean it up if I needed to. It was more important to get that fucking thing out.

Luckily I have transitioned from tampons to a Diva Cup lately for my lady time, and my experience with the Diva Cup taught me a lot about using the muscles down there to push things out. Granted, I had only been pushing things out of my vagina up to this point... unless you count all the pooping I've done over the years. But this was sort of different. I pushed and pushed, I'm sure there was a good deal of undignified grunting going on. I felt it moving closer to my anus, but wasn't going to come out quite on it's own. So I spit on my hand and went digging.

I was indeed surprised by the amount of natural lubricant I had created, and it made everything inside quite slippery and hard to grasp. The plug had actually managed to turn on it's side somehow, so I used my index finger to pull the base back toward my anus. After what seemed like minutes of fidgeting with that, I got it in place, and then pulled on either side of the base with my index and middle finger. It was much more painful coming out than going in. And covered in the biggest butt booger I had ever seen in my life.

Yes, that is how my ass self-lubricates. With gigantic butt-loogies. It was at least clear, without perhaps a slightly yellowish-brownish tint. But nothing too disgusting.

I washed that thing for a long, long time, and reveled in the triumph of being able to get something out of my ass without the help of a doctor. All together, the whole thing probably only took 5 minutes. Then I returned to poor, worried Arthur and put his mind at ease by showing him the recovered plug.

Then he kind of still want to have anal sex with me, and as much as I thought that might be fun I had also JUST PULLED A PLUG OUT OF MY ASS IN A SOMEWHAT PAINFUL WAY. So I said not tonight.

The saddest part of the story? We still haven't had anal sex! This all happened like... a month ago. And the time just hasn't been right since then.

And now that you've read one of the more TMIish posts I hope to ever post on my own ass, I hope you have learned a little something. If nothing else, just know that the base of a plug does not always serve it's purpose.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

NaNoWriMo 2011

I will be taking a little break from my semi-not-so-faithful posts here for a month of tearing my hair out and trying to write a novel. Yes, it's erotic. And yes, it's awesome. Even only 2,192 in! It's kicking everyone's ass.

Don't miss me too much. I know all 1 of you followers might.

Thursday, October 20, 2011

This Message Brought to You By "It Gets Better"

I have mostly admired the "It Gets Better" campaign from afar, having not really been bullied much as a teen (at least not for my sexuality). Some of my friends were bullied though, and I have been really happy to see a lot of the positivity that has come out of the campaign. Also saddened by those it was unable to reach.

I had to share this video because it kicked my ass with it's brilliance. 

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Good Sex

How does someone who has good sex all the time write about it without being annoying? I feel like I haven't really had bad sex since I was about 27. Sure, the occasional off night. Sometimes the chemistry hasn't been there, but the sex hasn't been bad either. And ever since I stated identifying as poly and dating other like minded individuals; holy crap. Everyone I know is good at sex! Is it because we're all so open minded? Is it because we all think about sex a lot? Or am I the one who changed.

Still, before 27, bad sex was an infrequent thing for me. There is one time that is really emblazoned in my memory as being particularly bad. I had met this goth guy, like a for real goth (keep in mind I was living in Colorado and it was... 2002ish? 3ish? So that sub culture was still pretty predominant here), and I don't even remember where I met him. The Internet is highly possible, but I feel like it could have been through friends of friends or something too. Anyhow, he turned out to not just be goth but to be a little nutty and sort of think he was a vampire. It's entirely possible that he was fucking with me, or full on insane, I don't know. But the sex was.... so bad. He wouldn't go down on me, and I mean come on. That's pretty much the 2nd thing a vampire would do after drinking your blood (I'm pretty sure). When I went down on him he wanted me to use my teeth, and not just a gentle scraping. He full on wanted me to bite his dick, which I just couldn't do. He couldn't cum and neither could I. He bit my neck so hard that I had bruising that looked like I had been strangled and couldn't move my neck the next day. I remember actually crying because I felt like I had exposed my cat to something truly evil- but I was probably just projecting. I had exposed myself to something truly insane and not pretty that night. And really, that's the only truly bad sex I've ever had. The rest of it just seemed bad after shit went down later. I have mostly been blessed with good sex.

I have a new boy in my life who I'm very excited about and trying to work into this somehow. I mean, we have good sex. Very, very good sex. But I feel so cliche writing the same thing over and over. Dear Diary, Today I had good sex again! And with a different person. Can you believe it?! I would like to say there's something really compelling in that story, but I'm not sure there is.

His name is Arthur Dent, or as I like to call him 42, and he is the husband of Moxie (she chose a name) who I wrote about in the previous post. And he is good at the sex. I don't know why I'm a little surprised by this... it's not really anything to do with him, I had no idea whether he would be or not before it happened (though I was erring on the side of good). I think it has more to do with me being continually surprised that I keep meeting people who are fucking amazing in bed. Where are these people coming from?! I think at some point someone's gonna have to be a dud. And then they never are.

The thing that I think sets him apart for others at this point in my life is just his need. He is a very ravishing sort of man, and I feel just so needed in his presence. So worshiped, which is basically my favorite thing ever. That and he just knows how to keep a fucking pace. He pounds me rhythmically and methodically until I'm a gibbering mess. Of course, I'm making it sound like these are the things he's best at, which is true but he's also very good at everything. Everything. He's good at giving and receiving. It can be hard to find a man who is good at both, and who really truly appreciates both.

Of course, pretty much every man I have sex with on a regular basis is good at giving and receiving. Because I have good sex all the time now.

I want to write an erotic story but I have complete writers block because I'm so goddamn satiated. Oh, poor me! What will I ever do?

Monday, October 10, 2011

Threesomes

I have a new friend, and she probably wouldn't want me to write about her on here. Or maybe she would just a little. I think if I just said a few things about her that would probably make her happy. I want to come up with a new way of describing the sort of relationship I can see myself having with her in the future, and the type of relationship I have had with many of my female friends.

It's something akin to a bromance, but with sex. But even though it's total lesbo-time sex (only with a cock involved, see title of this post), there's something about it that's still a little Eiffle Tower bro-y. Only more feminine. There's this whole aspect of conspiratorial sharing. Of sort of understanding what's hot without even having to say anything to each other. High fives might not be quite appropriate, but perhaps a muff bump?

This fine lady. who does not yet have a name in this blog and the one I've thought of for her would be too obvious, is a bit of a sexual wunder kid I think. She brought out the worst in me in our first sexual experience together (a threesome, duh), and by worst of course I mean the best. I was coming up with ideas I would have never thought of without her as my muse, sitting over there on the cock we were sharing. Her demands were plentiful and spot on; the sort of demands you always wished people were making but you can see them only thinking. She is my evil twin, partner in crime, or maybe even arch nemesis should the mood strike us. We would be the best good cop/ bad cop ever.

As I said above, I've felt this way with a lot of women. It's hard to describe, because it is so sexual. But not in the I-want-to-move-in-with-her-and-have-babies way. I think it's just the sort of relationship that most gay-identified females hate to hear about bi-babes having. I would almost goes so far as to say it's not even romantic. It's sort of like... if Romy & Michelle shared a boyfriend and also licked each others pussies?

I really want to invent the term for this. But I'm still not really thinking of any amazing ideas. Perhaps cock friends? But that's too male centered, and it makes it seem like the relationship has something to do with the guy. Because while it totally does, I also think it doesn't. Sex-ters (like sisters, get it?)? Too hokey. Bi-experimental hetero life mates?

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Anal Sex Musings

Last week I had anal sex twice, which is totally adventurous for me. I usually do it like once a week, tops. It can be a bit... intense? To do too often? And there's this whole conflict within me on to clean up or not to clean up. But you know what? I love anal sex. Love it. In this post, I would like to try to describe love of anal sex. I'm not sure I can because it's just so indescribable. It just feels so good, and I don't even know how to put it into words.

An easy place to start: it makes me cum like crazy. Well, not just having a cock in my ass. I have to be rubbing my clit or using a vibrator too. But it just is so easy and intense and constant with a cock in my ass. I've been trying to figure out why this might be. Is it psychological because it's so dirty? I don't think so. It's all physical I think. It feels so amazing. You know, when done right. But I won't even go there, the people who put things in my ass at this time in my life are really good at it. It makes me hard just thinking about how good they are at it. And I'm pretty good at doing it to myself too.

Now the hard part that I am still avoiding is describing what it feels like. So, how does it feel. Hm. It gives me the tingles. Goosebumpy feelings all over my body. It immediately causes that warm sensation all over my body that I get right before I cum, too. In fact, I think it brings me right to the brink. Tingly warmness all over. And I love being able to have my whole pussy to play with, with my hand or my partners, while at the same time getting fucked. I love the feeling of having something pushed in and pulled out. I love the feeling of just having something in there, up to the hilt or just barely poking in. I can't take very big cocks in my ass at this point in my life- just a finger feels amazing. An average cock is incredible.

It makes me feel loved. Maybe that is psychological; but I think what I mean when I say that is that it actually elicits the physical response I feel from emotional love in me. Or something very similar.

And yes, it is fucking dirty. At least society thinks it is, and I pretty much have to agree since I was brought up that way.

Do I like anal better than vaginal? I'm not sure. I reeaaalllly like vaginal. Plus it's just so practical and good for every day fucking. I wouldn't be surprised if at some point in my life I prefer anal sex though. It is one heck of an awesome time.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

A Sapphic Erotic Story

I wrote this a little while ago for an erotic spoken word event, and thought I would share it on here because I don't actually want to edit it ever or try to publish it somewhere fancy. Enjoy:


It wasn’t until I saw Elena’s dancing to glitch beats after  a friendly couples dinner that I realized I wanted her. Of course I knew nothing would happen. Nothing had ever happened between a girl and I, since I had been portraying myself as straight for my entire life. For all I knew, I was straight. But also curious. Very, very curious. And how could I know whether or not I liked girls until I had felt one? Tasted one?
We were on a double date, I suppose, though we were all too cool to call it anything like that. Brian had met Mark in college, and now Mark was in town along with his new girlfriend. The boys were at the bar, somehow managing to have a deep discussion about semantics over the music I was sure had blown my ear drums out. Elena and I had given up on them long ago and were dancing in that stupid way that girls do. The kind of dance you do to make the men smile and say “oh look at those girls teasing us!” I looked back at Brian to see him smiling a silly smile at us. I just knew he was thinking it was all a show for him and Mark, and every other guy in the bar.
For my part, at least, it wasn’t a show.
I turned back to Elena, and her full lips smiling at me too and a conspiratorial twinkle in her eyes. She spun around and started grinding her ass on my mound. Though she wasn’t really grinding into my clit, that was exactly where I felt it. I pulled her long, silky straight hair away from her back and tossed it over her shoulder, and somehow found myself with my mouth right over the spot where her neck and shoulder met. As awkward as I felt, uncertain of whether we were playing a game or what this was, something told me to bite. I sunk in, deep and animalistic. Her back arched and a noise escaped her lips that I couldn’t quite hear over the music.
I was terrified of her response suddenly, terrified that she would slap me our call me some name. Instead she grabbed my hand and pulled me off the dance floor and to the bar next to our boys, where she ordered 4 tequila shots for all of us.
With the shots she ordered in front us, she pushed mine to me and said in my ear, “drink this, you’re gonna need it,” then pushed the boys over where they immediately downed them before returning to their deep conversation. I raised my shot and clinked it to hers before gulping  it down quickly, an almost unpleasant burning running through my chest as I wondered to myself what she could have possibly meant with her little conspiratorial whisper. As silly as it seemed, I still couldn’t tell whether or not she was flirting with me or if she was just carrying on some fantastical bi-curious charade.
She leaned over to Mark and said something I couldn’t quite hear, but I thought it was probably something like, “off to the bathroom, girl talk,” and then pulled me by the hand after her once again. We were indeed headed for the ladies room, and my blood suddenly started pumping faster. I could feel it all rushing to my pussy, the thrill of having no idea what she was up to mixing with my confused sexual excitement.  I didn’t believe I was about to have my first experience with a woman, but even the barely eluded to idea of it was enough to make my underwear feel pleasantly damp against my swollen lips.
It became clear what she intended, however, after she pulled me into the same stall as her in front of the myriad of ladies in front of the sinks. Instead of the outrage at this move that I expected, the girls giggled and left the bathroom instead, leaving us alone for the moment.
Elena’s mouth was all over me; my lips, my neck. She lifted my t-shirt and pulled my tits out, suckling deeply on my nipples while I squirmed.  I desperately wanted to tell her that I had never been with a woman before, that I didn’t know what I was doing. But I could hardly get anything other than a sigh or moan past my lips. I tried to fumble at the buckle of her belt, but she stopped me.
“No, let me,” she said as she pushed my mini skirt up around my waist and pulled my panties aside.
Without thinking I kicked my leg up onto the toilet tank and spread my pussy lips wide for her she. She gently found my clit with her fingers and not so gently pulled my hair to the side, so that my neck was exposed. She sunk her teeth into the spot where my neck and shoulder met just as her finger slipped deep inside of me, and I let out a very load scream without even of thinking.  I didn’t even care if anyone had come into the bathroom anymore.
For some reason, that seemed like the right time to tell her I had never been with a woman before. I grabbed her hair in fistfuls and breathed out my confession between thrusts of her tiny hand that was somehow filling me to the brim, almost more than I could handle.
“Shhh….” She put her other hand to my lips and pushed me harder against the unstable wall of the stall, “just let me take care of you,” I sucked on her fingers just a bit before she moved her hand down to my neck and lightly wrapped her hand around it, not really choking me but with the threat there. She started pushing my clit with the palm of her hand and I responded by fucking her hand back, hard.
“Yeah, that’s it girl, show me how you cum,” and I did just when she said it, gripping her little fingers deep inside of me while my clit pulsed against her palm. It seemed like it would last forever, but eventually she backed off with both her hands, letting me breath and fall into her.
“Do you do this every woman on the first double date?” I asked and laughed.
“Only the cute ones,” she whispered in my ear again, “I want to fuck you with my tongue too, if you’re ready,” she purred, lighting my pussy on fire all over. I nodded and she kneeled down, sucking my clit deep into her mouth while her big, dark eyes looked up into mine.
“Ahhh! ,” I moaned, it was almost too much, “maybe a little slower,” and she flicked her tongue out, running it all the way down to my dripping hole and back up, and back down, slowly investigating every part of my cunt. I had never had someone lick every part of it before, it was new and amazing and felt so, so good.
 “That feels incredible,” I proclaimed as I looked into her eyes as her face came back up from being fully between my legs, “please, make me cum again.”
She pulled away and smiled a wicked grin once more before sucking my clit between her sweet lips again. As soon as I felt her tongue flicking against me inside her mouth, I came over and over and could feel my juices dripping out and over her chin. Once I felt like I couldn’t take anymore, I pulled her back up to my mouth a sucked every last drop off my cum off her face.
“For never having been with a woman before, you sure do know how to make a girl wet,” she laughed and pulled all my clothing back into place before I even had a chance to protest. When we left the stall, there was a woman sitting on the sink counter, arms folded but a smile on her face.
“I didn’t want to interrupt you two,” she said as she jumped off the counter, “the sounds coming from within there were just too wonderful. But we were receiving some complaints…”
“Oh, we’re so sorry,” Elena said, hugging me from behind, “I just couldn’t keep my hands off her, and she needed a woman’s touch very badly.”
“I understand completely,” the woman said “just get out of here so that my female customers can piss in peace,” Elena grabbed my hand again and we ran out of the bathroom and back to the bar, our boys still embroiled in the same conversation and oblivious to the flushed looks on our faces.
Or so I thought, until Brian turned to me and yelled over the music, “you guys were gone awhile!”
To my surprise, Mark winked at me and yelled back to him, “Elena gets off on girl talk!”

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Ascension V

Warning: before you go too far into this post, I should warn you that it is not about sex, or at least no things I find (too) sexy. Some people may find what I describe here sexy. I probably would not be one of them. Just didn't want anyone to be too disappointed.

Last night I drove for-fucking-ever to get to Colorado Springs, which is turns out I live a long ass way from. I didn't remember it being so far. But of course, I used to live in Denver. Which is much closer to the Springs than Boulder. I was alone and on a mission to attend an event I had high-ish hopes for, so the drive down wasn't too bad. Except for when my ipod burned out, as it is wont to do after about 45 minutes, and I had to listen to KTCL and 105.5 JACK FM. And that's ok sometimes, but not most of the time. Some of you might know what I mean, but probably not many since no one listens to radio any more.

I should also preface all this by saying that I was a little sick in the days previous to the event (a bit of stomach bullshit topped by a migraine, all stress induced I'm quite sure ((see lack of blog posts for a month))), and the dinner I ate previous to the events was small.

I show up and find my 1 friend there who I know, also on my little sex board with me which is why I was attending the event in the first place. To, uh, advertise our thing. She was bouncy and excited as she usually is at any fetish type thing, and wearing very little which I like to see on her. I do have a bit of a crush. I don't even know why I'm telling you all this, it's all pretty inconsequential to the story.

She showed me around a bit and then we moved into a crowded room downstairs to watch the first big kink demo of the night. Oh yeah, I forgot to say that this event was a sort of kinky demo show thing starring all the Colorado fetish all-stars. That seems like more important information than my friend being dressed sexy and me liking it. So, we're in a crowded room full of several variations of gothy geeky kinksters (you know who I'm talking about), and I see the girl who's bottoming for the demo has some flesh hooks in her thighs just above her knees. No problem right? I like getting pierced. I like watching others get pierced. I've seen flesh hook suspensions before... in movies. I'm a big girl this kind of stuff rarely makes me squeemish.

Unless, of course, I've been sick and had barely anything to eat. Don't worry, this isn't actually a story about me passing out. Which I've never actually done! But damn I've come close. Like I did last night.

This beautiful little doll with the flesh hooks above her knees is about to participate in some sort of suspension I can't remember because I've never heard of it before. As they're, ummm... securing her? To a thing that she will be suspended from? I notice she also has flesh hooks in her shoulders. There's this insane tension building in me for some reason, and I just can't wait to see how this goes down. I can also tell, as they begin to lift her off the stool she's sitting on bit by bit, that she's in a fair amount of pain. And loving it. I'm seeing her flesh lift from her bones and muscles, though, and I'm feeling rather empathic. I'm wondering what that must feel like, and boy... it's hot in here. I sure am hungry, my stomach is sort of roiling and feeling sick and hungry all at once. I'm thirsty. Parched in fact. Oh look! She's in the air now, and um, there's some spots dancing in front of my eyes. She looks so beautiful! And blissful and in so much fucking PAIN. And oh, jeez, I can't see her anymore and I'm feeling a little light headed. Maybe I'll just squat down on the floor for a minute.

Luckily, a lot of people are crouching down so that people behind them can watch, so it doesn't seem that strange. I take a few deep breaths and regain my sight. I look up at her and how happy and beautiful she is. There's blood trickling down her leg from one of the hooks in her thigh and dripping off the heel of her shoe onto the floor. Her skirt is floating in the breeze as the top gently swings her back and forth. Eventually, she asks to be brought back down, and she couldn't seem more high and overwhelmed. And truly, truly beautiful.

Alright, so it's over? I can safely get back up now, I think. I stand up way too fast and tell my friend I'm going to go upstairs in search of water and a bathroom (the plan being I will put my head between my knees in the stall until I'm all the way ok again and probably not as white as paper), and she starts to describe where the bathrooms are to me. And I can't see again, and everything she's saying is complete nonsense. It was so weird! My brain could not process language at all, and I was trying really, really hard. I don't actually remember what happened next, but I ended up crouching on the floor again and eventually came to. At this point the demo was over and no one was crouching on the floor anymore, and I was really embarrassed and thought everyone could probably tell what was going on. So, in what was probably the stupidest move ever, I got up and bolted up the stairs, where I again almost passed out. But I somehow pushed through, made into a chair upstairs, head between my legs, deep breaths... and finally OK. I get some water. I go to the bathroom. I tell my friend what happened and she goes "yeah, you seemed like your blood sugar was getting a little low, you had that look."

I'm still mystified as to why she didn't think my crouching behavior was unusual, but she got me some chocolate and then I watched several other demos that were not of the type that would apparently make me pass out. And then I drove home for-fucking-ever and it was much worse because it was so late and I was soooooo bored.

My take away from all of this is not what you might think: almost passing out feels really cool! I wonder if full on passing out actually makes a person feel like crap, but I kind of want to find out. I want to get to that point again where words don't make sense. And feel all sweaty cold/ hot at the same time. I am now taking suggestions on how to induce this state without doing breath play and/ or killing brain cells. My current idea is to not eat for a few days and then watch live heart surgery. And to have someone spot me.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

Not Penis

To make a post completely contrary to the last post, I am now going to list some sex I had without penises recently that really rocked my world.

  • Approximately 30 minutes ago, I hitachied myself into heaven, and made a little mess on my bed. As I often do with my friend hitachi. Magic. Wand.
  • Last Friday night, a couple who I sometimes have sex with- and who told me what names they'd like me to use on this blog and I totally forgot what they said!- double teamed my pussy in an amazing new way. She fingered me, he rubbed my clit. Jimminy Crickets, I came hard!
  • This was like a week and a half now, but I was sex with a girlfriend whom I will call... Sexy Fuckin' Punk Rawk Chick, and she used her new strap on harness that she made out of BICYCLE TIRE TUBES on me. OK, so this actually sort of involves a penis, but not an anatomical one. She fucked the bejesus out of me with that thing, and I loved it. Of course.
So I like a lot of different kinds of sex. It's true. And I over analyze the way I perceive sex pretty often. But you know what makes good sex? People being interested in what they're doing. That's all there is to it.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Penis

I have long known that I have a hetero-normative and perhaps unhealthy (? I don't know if that's really the right word, but other words are escaping me now) view of what sex is. Intellectually, I understand that sex can be any sort of sexual activity, and for many people there are all sorts of types of sex that can be had. But for me, it's all about the penis. And I don't just mean penetration with a penile object: I mean penetration with a penis attached to a male body. I don't even know how to get away from this, but I don't want to think or feel this way any more.

And yet... penises feel so good! In my pussy, yes. In my ass also. Dildos are ok. Hands are actually pretty great, and can do things penises can never do. A fist is awesome. A tongue is neat. I don't even have orgasms from penetration alone (or at least not those earth shattering, omg Imagonna die sort of orgasms), so why am I so obsessed with having a fucking cock in me?

I definitely don't feel like I've had sex unless I have been penetrated by a penis in some fashion. Even oral sex can sort of count, as long as a penis went in my mouth and not that my pussy just got licked. And I love getting my pussy licked, I can cum from it pretty easily. So, again, it's clearly not because it's the only way I can have an orgasm. I truly believe that it's because that is what I have always been taught sex is.

For example, let's take health class. I went to a fairly progressive school, was in high school during the Clinton White House when sexual education didn't have to be abstinence only (though it was strongly encouraged). But, when you first start to learn about sex, you learn about reproduction. The question "what is sex?" is often answered with "when a man and a woman really love each other, the man will put his penis inside the woman's vagina and then ejaculate." What?! I mean, why do we just sit around and let people say that still? People still say that! I believe that is part of where my definition of sex came from, hearing that over and over and over again.

You'd think I would have been able to define it differently by now, though. 12 years after I lost my virginity (and yes, by that I mean a penis was inserted into my vagina), I still can't get over it. I'll have sex with my girl friends and feel strangely unsatisfied afterward. And not from lack of orgasm, not even close. I have one male sexual partner currently who does not put his penis in my vagina for various reasons, but who still makes me cum like crazy. Seriously. But since there's no penis in my vagina, I always feel like something was missing. It's ridiculous.

If I thought it would help to ban PVI or PAI for a little while, I might do it. But frankly I'm addicted. I really and truly apologize to all of my dear and cherished lovers who, for whatever reason, cannot put a penis inside of me. Please be patient with me, we'll get through this together.

Monday, July 4, 2011

The 4th

Fourth of July weekends have been turning out to be great sex holidays for me recently. 2 years ago, just a few months after I had first become poly, I spent the 4th engaged in a night of sex with 4 different people in various scenarios, including 2 threesomes (don't try too hard to figure out the math on that), and just a few nights ago I found myself again having sex with 4 different people, this time in an orgy. It was sort of like deja vu, since it was in the same apartment and 1 of the people was the same from 2 years ago. But this is all beside the point. What I want to say is: I have a great sex life right now. I can't imagine it ever getting any better than this, and it is what I always dreamed of having. Goals in life: accomplished. Where do I go from here? It is a little bittersweet... but I feel so good about it.

In other news, this little story has been making the Internet rounds lately, and I want to talk about it:

http://www.buzzfeed.com/donnad/quentin-tarantino-foot-fetish-detailed-in-email

I am simply fascinated with this story. I absolutely love it, and I do feel bad about that because it is pretty negative and shaming of Mr. Tarantino. While I'm sure he is a complete ass who likely deserves to be taken down a notch or two, I hate the way she makes him out to be such a freak. And I really have a problem with the way she describes his cock. Women are always complaining about how we have to live up to a certain standard of physical appearance and we hate the way society decides what that is and makes us feel fat and ugly and blah blah blah. Then we all just turn around and make fun of small and/ or ugly penises all the time. It's really just evil, and I don't want to participate in it ever. And yet...

She is so honest. She is brutal, and it makes for an incredibly well written and interesting story. I laughed while I was reading it. Most of all, I empathized. For all my talk about consent and maybe also meaning no, I have found myself in a situations similar to hers more than once. I love sex so much that I will often end up in a persons house making out with "for the story," or simply just because I was compelled to have a sexual experience at that point in time. But it's not always the right person, not always someone I am attracted to physically or emotionally. I find myself in these situations that I can't help but find ridiculous, hoping it won't go too far because I will have to decide how to say no, or if I would rather just go through with it.

Writing that out, I have to recognize how bad that sounds. As a person who runs around in a very sexually open community, I have hold up my end of the consent bargain. And, of course, I would never accuse someone of assault or rape if I found myself in a situation like that and neglected to say no, even though part of me didn't want to go through with it. But it's not always that simple, it's not black and white yes and no. Is it wrong to have sex for reasons other than physical or emotional attraction? Is it wrong to have it because you want the story? Is it wrong to have because you want to feel needed? Or attractive? Or like a sexual object? Is it wrong to have sex because it's easier to have than to say no?

I'm not sure there's a good answer to any of those questions. It will always depend on the situation, and the people involved. What I do know is that I am not the only woman who has found herself in that situation at some point in her life. And what I also know is that I think the woman who wrote this email is brave. I think she is kind of an asshole, but isn't that what makes this story good? Would it be better if she had talked about what a hot night of toe-sucking she had with QT? Nah. I actually think it's better just the way it is. Feel free to disagree, and feel free to think I'm asshole too. Because I kind of am.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Political or Sexy?

With this blog, I am trying to decide if political can be sexy, or if I just want to stick with sexy. Or if political is not sexy, do I still want to post political because it's important to me? I have an agenda. A sexual agenda. It's sort of like the gay agenda... I basically want to destroy America's families and pervert innocent bystanders. No, really.

I was trying to decide whether to write about herpes tonight, which I think most of us would agree is not exactly sexy (though it would be really exciting if we could think of a way to make herpes sexy), or about having sex with my husband, Dr. Bigglesworth. Neither Dr. Bigglesworth nor myself have herpes, to our knowledge based on our not infrequent testing practices. But I just... I really hate the way people act about herpes. I just want to slap everyone until they regain their senses and live without fear of a non-life-threatening, relatively painless and symptomless disease.

But I digress. Let's talk about sex instead! Sexy sex.

I have been having sex with Dr. Bigglesworth longer and more frequently than anyone else ever in my life. We met about four years ago and embarked upon a magical journey of fucking together. I distinctly remember having an orgasm the 2nd time I had sex with him, which at that point was actually a fairly rare occurrence for me. I know! Not orgasms, btw. I have been having a shit ton of those since I was 7. But orgasms during penetrative sex, not really so easy for me at the time.

I had this incredible orgasm, while I was on top which I don't even like to be, or didn't at the time and still pretend like I don't but I really do. And I thought "I am in love with this guy. He is my soul mate. We will definitely get married." Orgasms make us think funny things, don't they?

We totally did get married though. For health insurance purposes. And I love him pretty much a whole amazing lot. While I don't believe in the whole "the one" "soul mate" concept anymore, I believe that over the span of a persons life they will meet people with whom they share a very special connection. And he and I have that, orgasmically but also more importantly friendshiply. Even though our personalities are really different, we really get each other somehow.

After four years of sex together almost every single night, though, we've sort of gone down the path of married sex. There's nothing wrong with it and sometimes I prefer it, for many reasons. It's comfortable, it's (often) predictable, it's about love. But it does lack that certain excitement you experience when you're, say, having sex with someone for the 2nd time and you have a crazy orgasm on top of them. Been there, done that. I do know that when I have sex with him, I am almost always guaranteed to orgasm. But it's usually exactly the sort of orgasm I would expect.

You know what I positively love to do with him, though? I love to grab my vibrator, go to town with it while he watches, and squirt before he ever even puts his dick in. That's right, I can do some female ejaculation if the circumstances are right. One reason I can do it with him is that love and comfort I mentioned above. I never worry that he's going to feel like the vibrator is better than him because it can make me squirt, and I know he loves to watch it.

Squirting orgasms are, without a doubt, the most intense orgasms for me. I don't necessarily want to call them the best... OK, I'm tempted to. But there's so many types of orgasms I can have and they're all so great for so many reasons. I had a squirting orgasm tonight, so I feel like calling it the best. But tomorrow I might have multiples brought on by someone elses hand jilling me off, and that's sound pretty fucking fantastic too. Anyhow, when I squirt, every part of my body feels so amazing afterward. It's like being on some sort of intense drug... actually, I did whippits a week or too ago for the first time, and it was similar to that feeling you get right when it hits you. Only it actually lasts longer. I love to squirt and then get fucked good and hard, because that makes it keep going. Not that I keep cumming exactly; more like my euphoria, my high from that orgasm keeps going.

Tonight, though, the real cherry on top came when Dr. Bigglesworth touched my clit right as he was about to cum, and that made me cum with him. If you give me just the tiniest amount of refractory period after I squirt, my clit will be so sensitive when you touch it again that I will just bust an ovary once more.

I think maybe we're not doing so bad after years.

Friday, June 24, 2011

Dipping My Toes in BDSM

I have a sex friend who has requested to be called Batman or Stingray Man on this here blog. I'm not sure which one to chose; he suggested Batman based on the fact that his chest hair looks like Batman, but I think it looks more like a stingray. Batman seems cooler, and he does have a lot of tools, but Stingray feels more honest.

So Bat/ Stingray Man would claim to not be so into BDSM. But he's just about the most into it of any of my lovers, or at least he seems to know the most about it and can most comfortably navigate in the local community. He took me to the TNG (yes, that stands for The Next Generation, but not the Star Trek version) night at one of the Denver BDSM clubs, and we got our "baby kinkster" BDSM on in front of the crowd. He called us baby kinsters, and I liked it because it seemed about right.

So I'll admit it. I don't really get the whole BDSM thing... but it's strange, because I really want to get it and I really want to be a part of the club. I don't really like pain, or not a lot of it... and that's a big part of the whole thing it seems. I'm fond of telling people I like the BD but not the SM, but that's not entirely accurate. I really like power play, I really like dominance and submission. I like being tied up, but I also like to be able to give myself orgasms if someone else isn't doing it for me. So explain that one.

Whatever we did the other night at TNG worked for me though. And as I've been thinking about it, I think I know what was doing it. We were performing. We both stepped up our game; I was trying to endure more pain than I normally would, in order to impress those watching, and he was trying to be more in charge than usual, in order to impress those watching. Maybe he would disagree with me, I'm not really sure. I know that having those eyes on me, those ears hearing my screams and laughter (that's right! There was a lot of laughing, which also made it delightful imho), made me hot. It all finally clicked for me, or came as close as clicking as it ever has.

We just used clothes pins by the way. And he whapped them off of me. That may sound baby kinkster to you, but I dare you try it. It's a little brutal.

The best part actually came when he pinned my inner tights and my labia, and then sort of dry humped me with them on. I could tell the difference between pain and pleasure in that moment, and I'm pretty sure that's what's supposed to happen. Or at least for me, that's what's supposed to happen.

We had sex the next day. I know, not at the BDSM club?! I was having the first day of my period blues, if you must know (perhaps another contributing factor to it finally working out for me?). It was interesting to go from no sex but sex-related BDSM to vanilla sex with him. Also, he somehow managed to make me cum by putting pressure on the hitachi I was using with his pelvis while we fucked. I usually hate that, but holy crap. Somewhere along the way, Bat/ Stingray Man and I made some sort of emotional connection. And I'm not even sure how. But I trust him. And while I would prefer to have vanilla sex with him most of the time, I think I might have him put clothes pins on my labia in public at some point again in the future.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Road (side) Head

How’s this for a second post:

Last week I drove to Las Vegas with one of my favorite men in the whole world, we’ll call him Zephyr. That is not his real name. We went to Vegas because we wanted to have a lot of sex in a hotel suite, which is why a lot of people go there.

So we drove there through Colorado and Utah and the little corner of Arizona, which doesn’t take very long. And we fucked a lot in our hotel suite, including a particularly steamy session in the shower (ha ha, get it?!) with a hand up my ass.

But the real fun happened when we were driving back the long way, Nevada to Arizona to New Mexico and then north back up through Colorado.  Except there was a fire that you could see for miles on Raton Pass, which meant we couldn’t use I-25 to get back through to Colorado and we had to take 4 extra hours to drive through freakin’ Taos, which made me angry and sad because I had to go to work the next day.

Disheveled, tired, and bored with driving, Zephyr and I decided that we would read an erotic novel that his friend had wrote to each other while the other drove. It is about dolphins and, as is to be expected, just a smidge taboo.  Zephyr and I are already insane amounts of horny for each other, but reading dolphin erotica doesn’t help with that.

As Zephyr is driving north from Taos toward Fort Garland, CO (yeah, I didn’t know it existed either), I confess that I need his cock badly. I make a joke about pulling over by the side of the road and just going at it in my car, but it was a joke because it was daylight and people besides us were actually driving on this road. Zephyr, however, took me seriously. As is his wont.

Don’t get too excited though. We didn’t pull over in mid daylight along this dinky but surprisingly busy highway, because I am too much of a chicken. We made it to Fort Garland as darkness fell, and as I drove us east toward Walsenburg, we began to look for a good spot to pullover in earnest. After making out in one spot and being scared off by how near it was to the road, we found a little driveway thing that sort of dipped below the highway. Game on!
By this point my pussy was straining against my pants with anticipation. I killed the lights on the car and Zephyr reached over and kissed me in his typical melting-me fashion. My pants were already pushed down around my ankles (wait, when did I do that), and he bent over to use his expert tongue on my clit and cunt lips. I looked up and saw lights from trucks passing over us, and came almost as soon as he stuck his fingers in my wet cunt.

I knew I could go for one more, turned on as I was by the situation. OK, and maybe I can always go for one more (or many more, my pussy is greedy). As I could feel him building me up and whispered “yes, make me cum again,” and he said something nasty like “you slut, you want it,” (I can never remember what he says, but its hot trust me). My pussy clenched around his fingers as I climaxed even harder than before.

Now I was ready to taste his cum, so I shoved him back into the passenger’s seat and undid his fly and pulled out his fantastic dick that I adore so ever much.  I didn’t waste any time and started working it with my mouth and hands immediately. I love the fact that I can make him cum so fast this way, and I wanted to do it again so badly. I needed to feel his cock spasming between my lips while his hot cum spurted down my throat.

More trucks and cars passed by above us and I felt him getting harder and harder, his balls going up in my hand as he got close. I began to mostly jerk him off in a twisting motion, my mouth over the head of his cock sucking on it like melting popsicle. His moans became more insistent and his hips thrust into my mouth while his cock jerked and shot his load down my throat, just as I had planned.

I stayed for a moment and sucked gently while I swallowed every drop of cum he had so generously offered. I sat back in the driver’s seat and wiped my mouth. We giggled and talked about how awesome our orgasms were. I pulled my pants up, started the car, and we drove to Walsenburg, to Denver, to Boulder and home.
I miss that fuckin’ vacation soooo much already!

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

I don't know why I didn't start a sex blog until now

Gentle readers,

This may only be my first post on here, but I can guarantee you that your minds are about to be blown. I am a sex master, and this blog is going to be all about my adventures in sex mastery.

And by sex mastery, I really only mean that I have a lot of sex. I'm polyamorous, bisexual (although I hate that word, let's just say I'm sexual), and I like to do everything I can think of. Except hurty stuff. I don't really like the SM in BD(SM), only the BD. Depending on what those stand for to you. To me they mostly stand for bondage and dominance. And S is ok as long as it stands for submission.

I fucking LOVE SEX. It's really my.. calling, I think. And although I'm 30, I still don't know what that means. Except for that I try to have a lot of it. And that I'm starting a blog.  

I'm kind of ok at writing too. Need you more reasons to read this blog?!

  • It will be erotic
  • It will be true. Unless it's an erotic story I wrote. Which might happen
  • There might be pictures of my boobs. OK, there will likely be pictures of them
  • My boobs are real fucking nice
  • There might be pictures of my pussy too! :-o
  • Sometimes I say intelligent things about sex
  • Most of what I have to say is, at the very least, entertaining
  • I'm trying to figure out how to fist my girlfriend right now, and when I do you will definitely hear about it!
READ ME!